Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Sheer Joy of Murder

One lesson age has taught me is that arguing is not worth either emotions or rise in blood pressure.  Think about it.  In how many arguments have you actually managed to change someones mind or alter their actions for the better?  Experience tells me most people argue when he or she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt they are wrong.  Personally, I'm not about to waste my breath when all they are looking for is justification of their actions or words. 

I am passive/aggressive and I love it.  While you are pissing me off I am plotting your demise.  Lucky for you I have a live and let live philosophy except in print, which is lucky for my readers.  There are some people I have killed off numerous times.  I've changed their names, gender and location so not to be monotonous.  One particular person has been murdered around fifty times; forty-eight scenes got deleted but I felt better having written them.  Some times all it takes is writing their name and hitting the delete key.  Think of it like Staples "Easy" button.  See, I can delete you!  Ha!  You are gone! 

Let's see a raise of hands - how many authors are asked by family or friends "will you put me in your book?"  Do you comply? 

Next question, raise your hand if: you've had a friend or family member beg to be the villain.  Has he or she given you suggestions as to who to bump off and how?  Would you like to read some of my email?  I get a huge kick out of this, maybe because I'm not on any of the lists, yet. 

In Done and Said I'm bumping off the neighbors.  Nothing personal; I barely know the ones that are dying.  It's just that I'm frustrated, they're within my field of vision and so they need to die.  This is the joy of being a writer.  I can expel my anxieties and frustrations in the most horrific manner and the cops won't be knocking on the door.  (Although for shits and giggles I do like the idea of Mr Pete glancing out the window to see the house surrounded by SWAT.) 

Being an ornery person, I also delight in responding to the question what are you doing with the perfectly honest answer "I'm plotting the death of a neighbor".  Oh, it's the look on their faces, the sudden intake of air and nervous stammer that thrills me to the soles of my feet.  My favorite to date - Donna's mom, who swallowed hard and asked how many neighbors I've killed.  I thought about it for a moment and then asked "in this neighborhood or altogether?"  Probably a good thing another neighbor interceded and told her I write novels.  

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